Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
