I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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