I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
