I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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