honey bunches of taint.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
