I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
