I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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