just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
