I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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