I looked at my own cervix.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
