You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
