Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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