I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
