Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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