I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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