people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
