why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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