Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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