I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize