I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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