Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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