Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
