Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
