He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
