Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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