Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
