Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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