Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
