Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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