OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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