Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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