Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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