no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize