I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
