yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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