...so i touched it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
