There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
