just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
