you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
