i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
