I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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