Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
