I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
