My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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