I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
