Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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