I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
