sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize