it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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