im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
