i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
