Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he thought i was a dude.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
