The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
