Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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