The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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