oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
