Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
