Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
