bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
