Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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