The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's blow job season.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
