She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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