Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
