yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You took a bar mat shot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize