new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
