ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
