Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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