i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
