She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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