A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
