I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
