ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
