it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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