Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize