wakey wakey hands off snakey
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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