Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
