bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We got so high we made milksteak
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
