its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
