We're like a lot better than the average bears
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize