Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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