i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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