Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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