how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
