Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
