he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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