God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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