I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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