after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
