I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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