I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry about my life...
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