that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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