So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize