i barfeds in our rink
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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