i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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