Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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