And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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