I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
