What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
