and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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