so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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