just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He felt like a one man threesome
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
