it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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