I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
