you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
