i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
