Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
