youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Everything about him screamed your future.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
