I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I color on your dick again?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
