You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
