hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
