i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
