He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
