The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
