just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize