piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
