So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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