I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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