Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
