quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
