so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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